i am really feeling the doom yet again today. a year's break from dating, yet it turns out that i haven't changed one bit. my mood and outlook are still heavily dominated by people on the outside, often people who don't even know they've got influence. i may think that i am enough for me, but it seems that i am anxious for outside interference. damnit. told sven i must admit that i really just want someone to hold my hand. but, sven doesn't respond. sven is like blogger: you send something out into the void, and you get no response but feel better for the sending.

a guy i went to high school with is on the cover of the paper for having the us's third-smallest surviving baby. born at 10 ounces. christ. i should stop my damn crying over my generalized malaise. i gave up my malaise around lent last year; maybe i need to renew my vow?