jobbyjobbyjobbyjobbyjob, please call today even though you might suck. suck like a fox!

if i'm in, dan says i could crash at his apartment. ah dan, what a delight. indeed, indeed.

what does my damn sister want for graduation? it's gotta be good...

considerably less down but still anti-people. i pretty much only like nina, and i have no more time for people who can't live up to the nina standard. and no one can. i'd call her right now if i wasn't fairly sure that phil's daughter is there and asleep, and i'd disturb her. so.

i could be drunk in south bend at this very moment, but thanks to an early shift tomorrow, i am not. actually, steve lives up to my expectations, and i would have liked to see him this last time before he's off to botswana. damnit.

whalerider is a great movie. i cried, but then i always cry.

out buying baby shower presents for a cousin today, and i kept wanting to buy things for nina. this is bizarre behavior considering there is no baby in sight. i just got the idea that spending hundreds of dollars on octopus/rocket ship baby stuff for my best friend would be about as fun a thing as i can imagine.

i am really feeling the doom yet again today. a year's break from dating, yet it turns out that i haven't changed one bit. my mood and outlook are still heavily dominated by people on the outside, often people who don't even know they've got influence. i may think that i am enough for me, but it seems that i am anxious for outside interference. damnit. told sven i must admit that i really just want someone to hold my hand. but, sven doesn't respond. sven is like blogger: you send something out into the void, and you get no response but feel better for the sending.

a guy i went to high school with is on the cover of the paper for having the us's third-smallest surviving baby. born at 10 ounces. christ. i should stop my damn crying over my generalized malaise. i gave up my malaise around lent last year; maybe i need to renew my vow?

feeling a little down over the loss of something that didn't even exist. funny how you can get a little tiny piece and start thinking happy; funny how nothing can be something and mess things up good.

or, maybe i am being melodramatic, and things will blow over into a decent arrangement. who knows. even if it does, i have severe guilt pangs over certain behaviors to handle.